she was 5 but did not continue after H/S. We were on a walk near our home and saw a sign offering Argentine Tango lessons. She said she was interested and she got involved (I did not) and It’s now been over a year of turmoil for me. As I expected, she improved tremendously and has advanced on to other teachers and dance studios and has now done some beginner student teaching as well as a demonstration. At the beginning as now I remain uncomfortable about the nature of the dance being intimate (close) with who would otherwise be a stranger (even for myself). I don’t care to see my life partner in another man’s arms and in a position of relative servitude as the dance requires of women! Although I know it is ‘just’ a dance, I would NEVER have thought that my mate would be okay with someone besides me being so close into her personal space since she tends to be quite shy in all other aspects. I want to be more comfortable with it than I am but still challenged and would appreciate thoughtful feedback. I have tried Tango, know the basic steps quite well and she says I "could" be good at it "if I wanted to be". The little Tango that I have done has been all for her in the privacy of our house and I have no inclination to learn this dance on my own since I don’t dance for others to see me as this dance seems to be about. Note that I do dance and rather willingly in social settings but I am not inclined to be TAUGHT step one, step two, etc. and I believe that dancing is a release from the soul and it should just happen! Because of my relationship, I would never ask another woman to dance close up to me out of respect for my mate and the meaning of our ‘private space’. I feel somewhat betrayed by her continuing on with this in part because I receive and have always received come-ons often by women that are attracted to me but I judge my relationship (and private space) to be available only to my mate. Before through and after college, asking a woman to dance with me was always based on attraction and sexual desire for them so dance for me has always has had a ‘prelude for deeper intimacy’ tone to it. Dancing with my lady STILL has the same flirty tone! Help Me See Another SIde of this Tango thing. Right now it’s my arch nemesis!!!
I don’t think that your wife thinks of dancing as being a prelude to or a suggestion of sexual intimacy. She seems to just want to express her creative side using dance as her preferential medium.
She is not dancing in order to release any sexual tension by being close to another man. It’s a creative outlet, rather than a sexual one.
However, I can see where her actions could cause you some level of distress. You perceive a sexual overtone to those dance moves and don’t want your wife to engage in that type of intimacy with another man.
A compromise needs to be negotiated between the two of you. Either she needs to find another outlet for her creative needs or you need to become more accepting of those specific needs by dancing with her and possibly becoming her dance partner during those activities.
Or, some other middle ground can be negotiated and agreed upon.
I don’t think that your wife thinks of dancing as being a prelude to or a suggestion of sexual intimacy. She seems to just want to express her creative side using dance as her preferential medium.
She is not dancing in order to release any sexual tension by being close to another man. It’s a creative outlet, rather than a sexual one.
However, I can see where her actions could cause you some level of distress. You perceive a sexual overtone to those dance moves and don’t want your wife to engage in that type of intimacy with another man.
A compromise needs to be negotiated between the two of you. Either she needs to find another outlet for her creative needs or you need to become more accepting of those specific needs by dancing with her and possibly becoming her dance partner during those activities.
Or, some other middle ground can be negotiated and agreed upon.
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